So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
