Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize