Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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