Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
