This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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