they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she pinky promised me she was 18
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
