home. puking in laundry basket.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
