he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
