I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
