I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
