Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
