So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
