Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
