you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
