Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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