So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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