well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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