my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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