I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
