id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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