you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
