beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
