This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
