i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
