He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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