How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
