It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
