Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
