he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
the gays at disneyland are vicious
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
