Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
