oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
