just tell him i said nine months
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
