The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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