I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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