dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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