when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
