Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
