Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
