A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize