Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
