jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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