She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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