I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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