May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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