I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
