We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
