His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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