I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
