When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
