I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
