She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize