So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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