what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
