Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
