I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
