Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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