wakey wakey hands off snakey
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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