I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
