I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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