How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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