we're blogging at a bar
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
