he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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