More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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