From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
