Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize