you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
