First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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