bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
