I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize