Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize