i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
