That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
