I CAN MOONWALK!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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