haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
