totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
