My nipple is on Facebook.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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