she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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