I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
