I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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