be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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