First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
