i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
even my farts smell like vagina
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
