chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
