someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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