I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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