"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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