We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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