come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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