I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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