You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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