Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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