I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
