if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
