Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I love having hate sex.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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