i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
