i barfeds in our rink
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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