my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
