Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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