yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
