my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
